Twinkies...
This post has nothing to do with Twinkies. The only amount of Twinkie involvement in these representations of my thoughts pertains to the previous sentences. I'm sorry. Twinkies are irrelevant. I'm also sorry for bringing up that name again... I should have known better...
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"And now, let us PLEASE talk about something different...Or DANCE!"
-Happy Sheep |
Oddly enough, now that I've gotten your attention, I actually have a question for you all...
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"I really hope the question is 'Do you want more ice cream?'
Or a puppy! I like puppies, too!" |
How are you preparing for the Summer months?
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| "That question wasn't about ice cream OR puppies!" |
Here in Virginia we currently have something called "Reluctant Spring." Its a season that comes around only because it's obligated to, and a lot like most employed people It doesn't do its job well, nor does it actually want to do it. It kind of just sits around all day thinking wishful thoughts about one day being Summer. Despite this slacker of a season we've got on our hands, I've already been preparing for when "Old Unreliable" actually picks up the pace and then relinquishes it's spot to the more deserving, hard working man (or women, depending on if for some strange reason you think that way) that is Summer. In eager anticipation of this wondrous time of year, I came to the conclusion that I need to start eating healthier. So, I'm currently on a diet that instructs me to cut out all dairy and gluten, which is almost like telling me to "not shake dat thang on th' dance flo." But as always, sacrifices must be made...
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"They told me not to, but this THING just has a mind
of it's own!!!" |
Anyone who knows me understands that the last descriptive noun that could ever come to mind when thinking of me is, as my lovely fiance' would say, "a chubba-lump."All I want to do is be healthy, feel healthy and most important of all... Look good with my shirt off!
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| Gaze upon my relentless beauty! |
It's difficult trying to eat well when you're at the mercy of the kind folks driving you around. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful and absolutely grateful for the people who have been able to tote me from place to place, its just that when you're out voted as to what lunch/dinner will be that day, you're sometimes subjected to "Billy Bob's Big Bloated Beef-n-Beer Burger Bar Mitzvah" with a sign on the front door stating "If you order any green, that's when we get mean." For some reason they like rhyming and alliteration... In moments like that, I just bite the bullet (no pun intended, but pretty well set up if that were the case) and watch as everyone ferociously devours their prey while I sit very still hoping that, in their food crazed state, they wont mistake me for a delicious, yet attractive, "mega meat mound."
Thing about me is...
I love that kind of food.
I love meaty, cheesy, doughy deliciousnessohmygoodnessmybodyisgoingtohatemelaterbutmymouthandmytummyaresingingpraisestome food.
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| A very happy Ethan. |
Yeah, That's right. Take me to any burger joint and I will demolish the meatiest, cheesiest, most colossal artery clogging abomination to the culinary arts that has ever been wrapped in a two inch thick sheet of bacon. Twice. I'm sure if my body were a ship sailing into the harbor of the nearest Burger King or any food joint of that caliber, the passengers would surely act as if I were the Titanic and the establishment in question was the iceberg that sank it.
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| "Jack... I... I... Wait... Do you smell bacon?" |
With that being said, this diet is actually helping me lose weight pretty fast. I'm not going to complain about something that's actually doing what it's made to do. That's like yelling at bread for holding a sandwich together or scolding a tub of ice cream for deliciously helping girls and women alike cope with their problems or reprimanding a pizza for... okay... I see what I'm doing... Oh how Freudian of me. I'm going to go drown my sorrows in some celery and a gallon of water now... Hold my calls!
Oh the things I do to look good with my shirt off...
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| If all else fails, I'm sure this will work just as well... |
